coke and 21

a can of coke lays empty on my table,
besides the lamp stands my bottle,

my calculator is buried under the heap of books i seldom refer,

and my brain is in pinned up on my soft board

that i hardly see.

ive spoilt something

lost those hours on my wrist watch to the clock on my monitor,

and now as i bald,

i realise at 21,

there's much more i could use.

a little growing up hurts no one eh?

but what if you grow unaware,

that you are growing,

listening to bon jovi,

still dreaming of a place with sunshine,

ha!

life fucks you up in the wrong places mate! just when you think its ok now...things are going to get better..it goes back to the start...the Big Bang!! oh yes a new universe of problems which wont be annhilated with any anti-problems....no 'happy' energy here pal...it just sucks up all that you ever had..like a black hole for happiness...

i mean imagine...a universe full of sadness...only dark matter, about which we know nothing!! tat'd be so appropriate to explain my situation..no! no self pity here pal...its just a beggar with his broken bowl...

because no matter how much he begs and pleads..its never gonna stay..itll all go away...itll never stay...for he has a broken bowl, mind you, the bowl aint bad...but just a little broken..

why doesnt he change it?? thats because then he wouldnt be 'the beggar with a broken bowl'...so to exist, he needs his broken bowl...to flourish, he needs to do away with it, but then whats 'to flourish' if you cant even keep yourself as 'you'.

why am i saying this...i dont know...an outburst of locked up emotions..maybe...maybe not...

and remember...dont suppose..it hurts..sometimes...most of the times.

he sat by the lamp post outside the grocery store...

maybe he had a story, maybe he had a name,

he was the beggar,he still sits in my memory lane...

he never complained,

never asked

he never looked

never glanced

but he had a broken bowl

in which he always looked..

at night

and at day

how do i know?

i just suppose

i saw him once...

doing the same,

we all see once don't we?

and suppose..

suppose that she loves

suppose she doesn't?

suppose this computer blows as i type

suppose the walls fall in?

suppose i pass

suppose i don't?

suppose the world ends tomorrow,

suppose i don't wake up today..

suppose,

we didn't suppose,

anything and everything.